Category: Family

21 years ago

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21 years ago, Thomas William Endraske was silently born, making his public entrance into the world. He was not welcomed with balloons or stuffed animals, but with tears. He was not greeted by scores of relatives, but this Mama Bear loved all six inches of his tiny, pink unmoving form.

His birth was the capstone of a two-week attempt to save his life, and my life will never be the same.

This baby boy’s life and death changed this mommy’s life for the better. I’d heard of grief before and I’d seen others grieve before, but this was my first experience with grief myself, and it prompted my first step onto a fork in the road ahead. I moved from a wider path of comfort to a narrower path of faith and obedience. And I’m thankful.

I wonder today how different my life would be if he’d never been conceived at all. Would I have ever adopted his brother, Nick? Would I have ever begun praying and studying and feasting on God’s Word? Would I have homeschooled his big sister Emily, willingly sacrificing my own comfort and time for hers? Would I now be a mother of four living children or would I have stopped after two? Would I believe without a doubt that children are the greatest blessing that God can ever give to a woman?

So today, on Tommy’s birthday, I say, “Thank You, God, for creating him.”

“Worthy are you, our Lord and God, to receive glory and honor and power, for you created all things and by your will they existed and were created.” Revelation 4:11

I’ve written a book called, “A Child Of Promise” for parents who are continuing their pregnancy after they know something is wrong with their unborn baby. It is available on Amazon. Today and tomorrow, in honor of Tommy’s birthday, the Kindle version is available at a discounted rate.

Do hard things

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Today I’m telling myself to do hard things.

Hard things like picking up after myself and after my kids.

Hard things like washing laundry and cooking dinner and taking the dog for a walk.

Hard things like putting my phone away and going to sleep at night.

Hard things like reading a story to my kids and praying with them at bedtime.

Hard things like striking up a conversation with a stranger or praying for my waitress.

Hard things like really listening and really caring about what I hear.

Today I’m telling myself to do hard things. What hard thing do you need to do today?

On selfishness

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Early last Tuesday morning, I was packing up to drive down to Pensacola, Florida with my oldest daughter and my two youngest children. My oldest daughter is dating a young man who is stationed there for the Navy and she invited me to join her. (Yay! What a wonderful opportunity!)

We were trying to leave at 7 a.m. and I was racing around looking for any final things we needed to bring. My husband was sitting at the dining room table reading his Bible – usually a very praiseworthy thing in my eyes. And then it happened. He asked me to get him a cup of coffee.

The thing is, every morning before I teach online, I make him a cup of coffee to take with him to work. It’s just one tiny thing I can do to serve him and let him know how much I appreciate him.

But that particular Tuesday morning, boy, it made me mad. Here I was, rushing around to pack the car and grab last minute stuff for our trip, and he’s sitting there reading his Bible and he wants a cup of coffee.

Are any of you thinking, “Wow. That’s so selfish.”  I sure was.

[Before you read any further, please know that my husband and I have already discussed this and he encouraged me to post this.]

But here’s the deal, the real deal.

That’s me. That man sitting at the table reading his Bible while the rest of the family is rushing around — as painful as it is to share this with y’all — that’s me.

And, dare I say it aloud or type it out on my little phone keyboard, but I feel all super-spiritual while I’m sitting there. I’m thinking to myself, “They should’ve gotten up earlier. Why are they rushing around? They’re so unorganized.” Or some other such self-righteous thoughts.

Somehow it is so much easier to see the speck in someone else’s eye than the log in my own. I think Jesus talked about that sometime.

In all honesty, who was the selfish one here? Truth be told, both of us. 

Here I was, heading out of town for a week in Florida, while my husband stayed back to work and take care of the dog … and I’m complaining about getting him a cup of coffee. I wish that I could look not only to my own interests but also to the interests of others. I wish that I could serve others like Christ served me. Jesus did so much more than get me a cup of coffee with a quick-as-a-wink Keurig machine.

Father, I pray that you would give me your strength to love and serve others like you loved and served to me. I thank you for the blessing it is to have a husband to get coffee for. I thank you for the blessing it is to have a husband who reads the Bible. I thank you for the blessing it is to have a daughter who invited me to come with her younger siblings to bring along. Thank you for your Holy Spirit that convicts me of sin and shows me my own self-righteous, deceitful heart. Thank you that your mercies are new every morning and that you are faithful and just to forgive us of sin and to cleanse us of all unrighteousness. Father, I pray for the strength to turn away from selfish motives and desires. Give me a heart like yours. Amen.

About Apologies

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After almost 25 years of marriage, and raising four children, I’ve both given my fair share of apologies and received them. I’ve instructed my children to accept responsibility for their actions and apologize far more times than I can count.

For the past two months, our women’s Sunday morning class has been watching a series of videos called, “Resolving Everyday Conflicts” by Ken Sande’s Peacemaker Ministries. They are available for free through RightNow Media if your church has a RightNow Media account. Or you can find the DVD or the book online at Christian Book Distributors.

I found Session 5, “Accepting Responsibility, Making an Effective Apology,” to be particularly helpful. The speaker shared seven A’s for an effective apology.

  • Address Everyone Involved
  • Avoid If, But, and Maybe
  • Admit Specifically
  • Apologize, Acknowledging the Hurt
  • Accept the Consequence
  • Alter your Behavior
  • Ask for Forgiveness and Allow Time

In light of this recent teaching, the interaction between Adam and Eve and their Creator in Genesis 3 jumped out at me.

After eating the forbidden fruit, God asked Adam two pretty simple questions, “Who told you that you were naked? Have you eaten of the tree of which I commanded you not to eat?”

Adam replied, “The woman whom you gave to be with me, she gave me fruit of the tree, and I ate.” (Genesis 3:12)

Then, God asked Eve a pretty simple question as well, “What is this that you have done?”

Eve replied,  “The serpent deceived me, and I ate.” (Genesis 3:13)

How many times have I asked my children similar questions and received similar answers?

  • Me: “Did you finish your homework?”
    Child: “I didn’t know how, and you weren’t home to help me.”
  • Me: “Have you taken out the trash like I asked?”
    Child: “The dumpster was full.”
  • Me: “Did you put away your laundry?”
    Child: “I forgot.”
  • Me: “Who made this mess?”
    Child: “He did.”

And the list goes on and on.

Since the very first sin, mankind has struggled to take responsibility for our actions. Adam blamed the woman for giving him the fruit, as well as blaming God for giving him the woman. Eve blamed the serpent for deceiving her. Our children blame others or their circumstances, including their own forgetfulness, for their shortcomings. And we blame our children or our husband or our neighbor or the traffic or the dog … for ours.

How do you struggle with accepting responsibility for your own sin?

Who do you usually blame when you mess up?

How can you improve in being genuinely repentant and seeking reconciliation when you’ve fallen short?

Rather than reading this post and thinking of how messed up your kids, or your parents, or your husband or your wife is … let’s try instead to focus on our own responsibility in the problem. And seek God God who is able to do more than we can ask or imagine, and who is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to purify us from all unrighteousness.

TWIG

By the way, I found this article helpful. “Seven Marks of a Good Apology (and 8 Marks of a Bad One)” at Crosswalk’s website. It outlines each of these 7 marks of a good apology in more detail.

Reading through the Bible in a Year

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I’m using the YouVersion Bible app to read through the Bible. I really like the audio of the ESV Bible in YouVersion because the reader is so good. (And, by the way, it’s free!)

I usually listen to the Bible read aloud at night when I’m getting ready for bed and then listen to the same passages in the morning as I’m getting ready. Then I sit down to focus more on what I’ve read and reflect on it.

Today I started a reading plan called, “Solid Life Whole Bible.” You are welcome to join me. You can get an account on YouVersion and send me a friend request. My name is easy to search for.

The first day’s reading was Genesis 1, Luke 1 and Jude. I like reading from the Old Testament and the New Testament each day. I like to see the whole story of God laid out together. I love to see how God is the same yesterday, today and forever.

God has always been the great Creator. He created the universe and everything in it in six days. He created Adam and Eve in His image. He created John the Baptist in Elizabeth’s womb even though she was a barren old woman.

God has always been the God of the impossible. Luke 1:37, “For nothing will be impossible with God.” Today I’m reminding myself of this, as I’m praying for people I love to know Jesus and praying for strained relationships that seem like they will never get better. I’m reminding myself that if God can change my life, surely He can change others, too. As long as there is breath, there is the possibility for a new beginning. Never give up hope.

God has always been the God of purpose. He had purpose for the sun and moon and stars. He had purpose for light and land and plants and animals. He had purpose for man — the first man and the first woman and the millionth man and the millionth women. He has purpose for me and each of my children.

I especially think of this today as Daniel celebrates his 12th birthday. He is a precious, undeserved gift from the hand of a good Creator-God, the God of the impossible, and the God of purpose. Happy birthday, buddy!

Spiritual Musings on God’s Purpose and Sovereignty when Bill was selected for a “Random” Security Screening

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When we were heading back to the USA out of Beijing earlier this month, our passports and boarding passes were checked a half-dozen times as we made our way through the airport. Everyone’s bags were scanned and checked and screened. Every person walked through a top-of-the-line high-tech scanner as well as being personally patted down (men by men and women by women) before being permitted to board the plane.

As Bill and I and some four-hundred others making the trip, lined up to enter the plane, Bill was one of a dozen passengers “randomly selected” to undergo an additional security check. Next to him was a small Asian woman whose husband and two young daughters were waiting for her. Then came a tall, slender black man, a large black woman, and a young middle-aged talkative white woman who was part of some kind of American women’s group, plus a handful more. There seemed no rhyme or reason to why they were selected.

Had they packed something suspicious? I suddenly remembered that Bill had a large camouflage-print battery-backup for his phone in his carry-on bag. Was that it?

Or was it something in his appearance? Bill is tall and thin with dark hair and a goatee. Hmm.

Maybe Bill wasn’t friendly enough. Maybe he asked too many questions.

There simply had to be some kind of reason for why he was selected for this additional security screening. And I wanted to know what it was!

When I was a teenager, I didn’t believe in the existence of the supernatural. All of life was a series of random chance. I didn’t believe in luck or blessing or karma.

Now I see life very differently.

Now I see everything in life as having purpose. I believe that I have been created on purpose, for a purpose, by a God of purpose. The events of my life have purpose, both for God’s glory, and for my good, as well as for the greater good of others in the God’s great plan of life.

So, if God selects me to go through a trial – whether that’s sickness or marital hardship or a wayward child – I see that trial through the lens of “PURPOSE.” I am now able to see that in some way a “seemingly random event” must have a purpose.

My faith is constantly being tested and refined. My faith is being proved genuine and made stronger. God is being glorified as I stand firm through a storm even if my knees are shaking beneath me.

Other people, too, are effected by the trials of my life, whether in how I directly treat them, or the witness that I’m able to be for Christ, or even as I write about an experience that I go through.

I’m afraid that sometimes I forget that God is at work behind the scenes and I end up feeling like I’ve been “randomly tagged,” like Bill felt that day. It’s all too easy for me to fall back into my former way of thinking and I find myself deep in the middle of a pity party when things don’t go my way, blind to the fact that God is at work both in the big stuff and the small stuff.

Friends, “we may not know WHY, and yet we know why,” as my pastor has reminded our congregation again and again since a dear fellow church member died in a house fire last Christmas.

How have you seen God at work lately?

Have you missed out on seeing purpose in the trials your life?

I’d love to pray for you. Let’s walk this road together.

TWIG

Who am I? – Of Relationship and Responsibility

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Image result for overcomer movie who am i

Sunday morning, my pastor preached a fantastic sermon titled, “Relationship Comes with Responsibility.” You can listen to it online here:

Then, Tuesday night, I saw the new movie, “Overcomer.” The main character in the movie is a basketball coach and history teacher at his local Christian high school. Without giving too much away, he realizes that he is finding his identity in his job, rather than in his relationship with Christ.  The other main character, a teenage girl named Hannah, is amazed when she learns who she is in Christ while reading Ephesians 1-2 in the Bible. Hannah realizes that as a child of God, she is loved, redeemed and forgiven.

So … What about ME? Who am I … and how, then, should I live?

  • I am a created being, created in the image of God, on purpose, for a purpose … so I should live daily with purpose and hope.
  • I am a disciple of Jesus, called to make more disciples of Jesus … so I should intentionally study God’s Word and share the gospel with others.
  • I am a forgiven and redeemed child of God … so I should forgive others and help them to be reconciled with God, too.

But, my relationship with God is not my only role in life. God has given other relationships, roles and responsibilities as well.

  • I am a wife … so my husband should be a priority in my life.
  • I am a homemaker … so I should clean my house and cook dinner for my family.
  • I am a mother … so I should love and disciple my children with diligence.
  • I am a homeschooler … so I should faithfully teach and train my children in the way they should go.

Like many Christians, I can tend to overemphasize one area of my life and overlook another one.

Yes, indeed, my identity is found in Christ.

  • Who am I? I am a forgiven child of God.
  • Who am I? I am His workmanship, created on purpose for a purpose.
  • Who am I? I am a disciple of Jesus, called to make more disciples.

But, I am also a wife, homemaker, mother and homeschooler to the glory of God. These titles, too, have value and worth.

May everything I do be done to the praise of God who created me, saved me, and redeemed me … and gave me a home and a husband and children.

Having a Gluten-Free Child as a Homeschooling Mom

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Do any of you love food? When you’re having a bad day, do you want to head for the pantry? When you want to celebrate, do you head for your local ice cream shop? My answers are: yes, yes, yes – How about you?

In the fall of 2015, when my middle daughter was 12, she was diagnosed with an autoimmune thyroid condition called, “Hashimoto’s Thyroiditis” and began a gluten-free, dairy-limited lifestyle. This year she was diagnosed with autoimmune urticaria (chronic hives). My husband, too, has an autoimmune condition called, “Eosinophilic Esophagitis,” which he chooses to manage with acid reducers and allergy medicine. In May of 2016, I tried a modified diet called “Whole 30,” but have largely returned to regular eating except with less sugar and grains. You can read more about it here: Matthew 4:4 – Not Bread Alone and here: My Whole30 Tips

I hope I can help others with some of the lessons I’ve learned over the past four years of trial and error.

1. Don’t overlook the emotional impact that dietary restrictions have on your child. Food is a big part of our culture, and eating gluten free has consequences deeper than just bringing our own desserts when we go to potlucks. Noelle misses the food that she’s no longer able to eat, but she also hates being “the one” who needs gluten free pizza or who can’t eat Taco Bell tacos.

2. Plan for breakfast, lunch and snacks. Fresh fruit and fruit cups are great. So are guacamole with tortilla chips. Make extra dinner for leftovers that you can package in individual tupperwares for breakfast or lunch meals. Keep yogurt and deli meat on hand for a quick pick-me-up.

3. Encourage your child to get creative in the kitchen. Noelle has learned to make all kinds of creative dishes for herself. We have a weekly “cooking competition” for lunch. Some of her experiments have turned out GREAT and become regular favorites (crustless peach pie with a chocolate chip granola topping and chocolate dipped bananas to name a few).

4. Let your child make some of their own choices. Honestly, it would probably be better for Noelle if she didn’t eat any dairy or eggs or nuts, but until she’s ready to make that jump for herself, that is one battle that I’m not going to fight. It’s too hard for her, and, frankly, it’s too hard for me. Noelle knows how to add things to my “Walmart Grocery app” and she’ll add a gluten-free cookie that she’s craving or a salad bowl that she’d like to have for lunch. This allows her to have some control over her diet that she can’t have in other ways.

5. Be careful with your substitutions. In my attempts to avoid dairy, I substituted almond or cashew milk. In my attempts to avoid peanut butter, I substituted almond or cashew butter. In my attempts to avoid wheat flour, I substituted almond flour. In my attempts to avoid sugary snacks, I substituted roasted almonds or cashews. Bad idea. 😦 Noelle developed a sensitivity to almonds and cashews from eating them everyday, several times a day. Rotate your food choices.

6. Pray for understanding friends for your child. Incredibly, God has blessed Noelle with her own little group of “gluten-free friends.” For as much as she hates being different, I’m so thankful that she’s not alone in this. She isn’t the only one at youth group who can’t eat the regular retreat food.

Would you like to see my list of regular dinner meals?

How about my recipes for the BEST chocolate chip cookies (made with almond flour), or DELICIOUS banana chocolate chip muffins (made with Pamela’s baking mix)?

Exegesis or Eisegesis – in relationships???

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Image result for exegesis or eisegesis

I hope y’all will bear with me for a minute while I think through something in writing. Do any of you think better in writing, too?

My pastor has tried several times to explain the difference between the biblical interpretation terms, “exegesis” and “eisegesis.” (Maybe these words are new to you — they were to me!) Exegesis involves looking deeply into the text to discover what God is communicating to us, while eisegesis involves bringing our own ideas to the Bible and then looking for evidence to support it. My pastor has often warned us not to have an idea that “seems right” to us and then dig a verse out of context to “prove it.” For example, using “I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength” to justify a whole laundry list of activities might be an example of “eisegesis.”

Last week, I started thinking about how I can be guilty of “eisegesis” in my relationships. I can let my own ideas and biases color how I interpret my loved one’s actions.

Let’s say, I’m feeling neglected and unloved by my husband, and he fails to let me know that he’s going to be late getting home from work. The thoughts in my head go something like this: “He’s so thoughtless. He doesn’t care about my feelings one bit. He always acts like this.”

But, if my love-cup is full and I’m feeling like my husband adores me, then when he fails to let me know that he’s going to be late getting home from work, I think, “Poor guy. He must be caught in the middle of a long phone call at work. I should shoot him a quick text to see how he’s doing.”

How about if I’m feeling like my daughter doesn’t like me. Envy quickly rears its ugly head and I start blaming my ugly feelings on her. When she tells me about a long conversation she had with a friend of hers, my mind starts whirling. “She always makes time for other people in her life, but never seems to have time for me. She is so inconsiderate … and after all I’ve done for her.”

But, if we’ve been spending regular sweet time together, then my thoughts take a totally different spin. Instead I think, “Thank you, Father, for giving Emily such a good friend that she can do life with. Thank you for answering my prayers. I am so blessed!”

Here’s the thing: truth is truth, and feelings are feelings. But feelings should never be the basis for truth. We have to carefully test our feelings in light of the truth. Our feelings change moment by moment, but truth remains the same.

We should approach both the scriptures, and our relationships, with what is true. The truth is that our battle isn’t against flesh and blood. The truth is that we should carefully renew our minds in light of the truth.

The truth is that God loves me and has good plans for me.

The truth is that God is sovereign and at work even in hard situations.

The truth is that my husband loves me, my children love me and I love my husband and my children.

The truth is that I am a sinner saved by God’s grace and I am prone to think selfish thoughts.

The truth is that love is patient and kind. It does not envy or boast. It is not proud or rude. And God wants me to pour out His love on others.

The truth is that God loved me while I was still a sinner, so as the chief of sinners, I can love others with the love God has lavished on me.

How do you need to remind yourself of what is true and discern rightly the relationships you’re in? I’d love to hear your thoughts.

Of Big and Little Acts of Service

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As I shared in yesterday’s post, love compels service … which leads me to a new trail of thoughts.

I wonder, is my dad only interested in the big things that I can do for him? Are the doctors with a dozen years of education who correctly prescribe just the right medication more valuable than the nurse who correctly draws his blood?

Incredibly, just now, while I’m writing this and waiting to board a plane back home, with my dad still in his hospital bed, the flight attendant announced that our plane is having some mechanical issues.

I realize how critically important a good pilot is, but realistically is a good plane mechanic any less essential?

I know that answering my dad’s questions about faith and asking God to hear my cries for mercy truly are valuable acts of service, but do I believe that sitting in silence, holding his hand while he sleeps, is valuable in God’s eyes?

Surely reading Psalm 23 aloud and talking about the hope of Heaven with Jesus is of immense value, but how about cutting up my dad’s food into manageable bites?
Sometimes as a stay-at-home, homeschooling mama, it can feel like the daily chores, loading the dishwasher and washing the laundry and cooking the dinner is worthless … and yet I hope that I can do my work as unto the Lord, pointing my children’s eyes to the blessings of dishes and laundry and food … and of work.
Sometimes as a Christian speaker and writer, it can feel like reaching one hurting soul isn’t as important as speaking to the multitudes.
So today, let’s remind ourselves that God values our little acts of love and service, as well as our big ones. He sees us. He cares. And He is able to multiply our fish and loaves and mites and talents as we offer them up to Him.

TWIG

“As each has received a gift, use it to serve one another, as good stewards of God’s varied grace: whoever speaks, as one who speaks oracles of God; whoever serves, as one who serves by the strength that God supplies—in order that in everything God may be glorified through Jesus Christ. To him belong glory and dominion forever and ever. Amen.” (1 Peter 4:10-11)
“For by the grace given to me I say to everyone among you not to think of himself more highly than he ought to think, but to think with sober judgment, each according to the measure of faith that God has assigned. For as in one body we have many members, and the members do not all have the same function, so we, though many, are one body in Christ, and individually members one of another. Having gifts that differ according to the grace given to us, let us use them: if prophecy, in proportion to our faith; if service, in our serving; the one who teaches, in his teaching; the one who exhorts, in his exhortation; the one who contributes, in generosity; the one who leads, with zeal; the one who does acts of mercy, with cheerfulness.” (Romans 12:3-8)
“Whatever you do, work heartily, as for the Lord and not for men, knowing that from the Lord you will receive the inheritance as your reward. You are serving the Lord Christ.” (Colossians 3:23-24)