Category: Marriage

In this series which I’ve titled “My Life as the Bride of Christ,” we’re going to look together at a few things that I believe make the marriage relationship unique and how our relationship with Christ is particularly special because we are His bride.  You can read parts one, two and three by clicking here.

#4. The marriage relationship is devoted and sacrificial.

My husband Bill and I met in April of 1994, were engaged three months later and then married in December of that same year.  In that brief, eight-month time period, Bill became the focus of my life.  He’s what I lived for.  He’s who I wanted to be with.  I stayed up into the wee hours of the morning, talking to him on the phone for hours and hours.  I spent countless hours primping and preparing to spend time with him.  I rearranged my plans to have the most time possible with him.  I wanted to please him and was willing to sacrifice my desires in favor of his.  I spent hours writing him love notes and making him goofy little gifts like a reflective coffee mug that said, “Guess Who I Love?” in paint pen with a big circle that would show HIS face.

Our young love was devoted and sacrificial.

But, somehow, as the months and years wore on, the trials and disappointments of my life took their toll.  I became increasingly selfish and demanding.  He wasn’t doing enough for me.  He wasn’t meeting my needs.  I no longer wanted to share hours upon hours of time with him, because deep roots of bitterness had taken hold of my heart.  My heart grew cold and distant, and I dare say, so did his.

We remained married, but life became more about the checklist of things that had to be done, rather that things that got to be done.  I lost my desire to want to please him.  I no longer cherished and adored this man.  Caring for my marriage became little more than a chore among a long list of chores.

Is that how we see our relationship with God?  Have we grown cold? Bitter? Hardened?

Is our time spent with God one chore among a long list of chores?

Do we hunger for him, as a starving beggar on a lonely road in the wilderness?

Do we thirst for Him, as a parched traveler in a desert land?

Do we crave time with him, as a young bride looks forward to the moment her bridegroom will return home from a hard day at work?

Just as sinful human fathers have given us a wrong impression of our perfect heavenly father, so fallen human marriages today have given us a wrong impression of our perfect heavenly groom.  Jesus Christ, our adoring, sacrificial husband, longs to spend time with us, His spotless bride, for whom He gave His very life.

Remember what the Lord said to His people in Jeremiah 2:2, “I remember the devotion of your youth, your love as a bride, how you followed me in the wilderness, in a land not sown.”  And Revelation 2:4-5a “But I have this against you, that you have abandoned the love you had at first. Remember therefore from where you have fallen; repent, and do the works you did at first. ”

Am I satisfied to just know ABOUT Bill, to study his likes and dislikes, to know his favorite food and sports team, to know facts about him, like when and where he was born and his mother’s maiden name, to know random trivia about him so I can show off how well I know my husband, like what elementary school he went to and how much he weighed when he was 16?  Is that good enough for me?

Or, do I really want to KNOW him?  Intimately.  Personally.  Deeply.  Do I REALLY want to know what grieves his heart?  Do I REALLY want to know what he ACTUALLY thinks about when nobody’s around?

Do I truly want to please him, just because I love him – expecting NOTHING in return?  Sacrificially giving up my own desires in deference to his?

This is not supposed to be a talk about “how to love your husband,” though I’m sure we could all use that one, too.

No. This is a talk about “how to love your GOD.”

Friends, we cannot be satisfied by just knowing about God from a distance.  We cannot stop at knowing “1001 Facts about God and His Word.”  We cannot be satisfied with just being “good bible study girls.”  Remember Hosea 6:6, the Lord desires “steadfast love and not sacrifice, the knowledge of God rather than burnt offerings.”

Do we truly desire to PLEASE God BECAUSE we LOVE Him?  Rather than because we think we can (or that we have to) earn His love and approval.

My Jesus loves me so much.  He wants to be with me.  He wants me to arise and come away with Him.  He wants me to willingly choose Him over sleep, over stuff, over other relationships, over the multitude of cares and distractions of the world that want to choke out the fruit-bearing of my life (See Mark 4:18-19)

SO WHAT DOES THAT MEAN FOR US … How does the fact that The marriage relationship is devoted and sacrificial impact our lives?

For me, what this looks like is largely wrapped up in having a committed, set aside time with God, my Savior, Lord, Father and Husband.  Truthfully, the closeness and intimacy and joy of my relationship with God is directly correlated to the quality (and quantity) of time I spend with Him.  Just as my relationship with my earthly husband suffers when we aren’t spending time together, so my relationship with God suffers when I am too busy or tired or distracted or stressed to spend time at His feet.

And might I add here that in those times when your daily life with your husband (or with your God) feels like a grind – DO the things you did at first.  Do it.  Don’t give way to your emotions.  Choose to serve your husband with a cheerful, sacrificial heart even when it’s hard.

In this series which I’ve titled “My Life as the Bride of Christ,” we’re going to look together at a few things that I believe make the marriage relationship unique and how our relationship with Christ is particularly special because we are His bride.  You can read parts one and two by clicking here.

#3. The marriage relationship is deeply intimate, close and personal.

All relationships involve some level of intimacy, but the relationship between husband and wife goes the deepest of them all.  I fear that this was a great stumbling block for me in seeing God as my husband.  For me, marital intimacy was intricately tied to the physical, sexual union between a man and his wife, and because of past sin on my part, I could not see intimacy with God in any other way.  Yet, as the Lord has peeled back these layers in the past year, I see now that true, pure intimacy is not dirty or corrupt.

In the beginning of time, when God made a “helper fit for” Adam since it was not good for man to be alone, God created Eve out of Adam’s side.  We are told that “the man and his wife were both naked and were not ashamed.” (Genesis 2:25)

Adam and Eve had nothing to hide from one another.  They were one flesh, with nothing to separate them.

As a married woman, I should have nothing to fear in bearing my heart and soul to my husband, because he is bound to me in a way that no other relationship is.  Other people (maybe even some of you) might grow sick and tired of me, especially as you get to know the “real me” and you might move on to find nicer, easier people to deal with, but not my husband.  He can’t. He knows my numerous flaws, and yet, he remains by my side – in spite of them.

A dear friend and fellow church member reminded me in the van on the long trip back from our mission trip to Reynosa, Mexico last month, that our love for our husbands grows all the deeper as they demonstrate faithfulness toward us in a way that new lovers are unable to appreciate.  In that way, our love for our spouse is magnified as their commitment to us is proven true through the years and decades.

And yet, for as well as my husband knows me, I can still hide things from him.  But, God….  He knows a word before it’s on my lips.  I cannot hide anything from Him; I cannot hide any thought, word or action from Him.  Even the darkness is as light to Him.  I cannot flee from Him.

Mediate on how deeply God knows and loves us according to Psalm 139:1-4, 11-12 “O LORD, you have searched me and known me! You know when I sit down and when I rise up; you discern my thoughts from afar. You search out my path and my lying down and are acquainted with all my ways. Even before a word is on my tongue, behold, O LORD, you know it altogether. … If I say, “Surely the darkness shall cover me, and the light about me be night,” even the darkness is not dark to you; the night is bright as the day, for darkness is as light with you.”

As the bride of Christ, I have nothing to fear in bearing my heart and soul to Him, because I can have full confidence in his steadfast love and faithfulness.  I can cast all of my cares on Him, because I know that He fully cares for me (1 Peter 5:7).  It reminds me of Stephanie’s talk yesterday, that we can pour out of cries of lament, knowing that God has given us in the psalms this model of real, genuine, authentic relationship with Him.

In Hosea 6:6, we are told that the Lord desires “steadfast love and not sacrifice, the knowledge of God rather than burnt offerings.”  God wants our hearts, our souls, our minds – with all of our everything.  He wants us to know Him and trust Him deeply and personally.  He wants more than just to “be known about” and studied and served.  He wants to be known.

SO WHAT DOES THAT MEAN FOR US….  How does the fact that The marriage relationship is deeply intimate, close and personal impact our lives?

God wants our time with him to be transparent and real.  He is not fooled by any false pretense.  God detests hypocrisy and deceit.  We can bear our true souls to Him without fear or shame.

I can confess ALL my sin to Him – agreeing with Him about my need for salvation and deliverance.  I can cry to Him all day long without worrying that He will grow tired of me.  I can share my every joy with Him without fear that He doesn’t care.  I can talk to God without ceasing, in everything giving thanks, trusting that this, too, is God’s will for me in Christ Jesus.  I don’t have to hide from Him.  Ever.

Stay tuned for the final installment “Part Four: The marriage relationship is devoted, and sacrificial.”

In this series which I’ve titled “My Life as the Bride of Christ,” we’re going to look together at a few things that I believe make the marriage relationship unique and how our relationship with Christ is particularly special because we are His bride. (You can read Part 1 by clicking here)

#2. The marriage relationship is designed to be ‘til death do we part.

The Lord is described over and over again throughout scripture as steadfast and faithful, promising to NEVER leave us or forsake us.  His love toward us is eternal.  We were never designed “grow up and move out” like a child with their parents.

This is one reason I am so certain that we cannot lose our salvation and also one reason why I’m certain that God hates divorce.  When God places His seal upon us and fills us with His holy spirit, He will never break that covenant with us.  We are bound to Him eternally.

As Ephesians 5:31-32 says “’Therefore, a man shall leave [Greek: kataleipo – leave behind, to depart from, leave, forsake] his father and mother and hold fast to his wife and the two shall become one flesh.’  This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church.”  Wow.

See, our children are designed to grow up and leave us, that they may become one flesh with their mate, and so are we to be ONE FLESH with Christ.  We are His bride, and He is our bridegroom.

SO WHAT DOES THAT MEAN FOR US….  How does the fact that our relationship with Christ is eternal impact our lives?

We can demonstrate our love for Christ, by remaining certain of His love for us while we’re in the midst of trials.

I have been through some hard times in the last 23 years since I bowed my knee to Jesus, and I have been tempted countless times to doubt His love and power, and yet, God has proven Himself faithful to me over and over again.  By remaining faithful in my love toward Him, and certain of His love for me, I commit my life into His hands until my last breath.

Stay tuned for “Part Three: The marriage relationship is deeply intimate, close and personal...”

I recently had the opportunity to share this talk with my women’s study hour class at church.  When I read over my notes now, I am so disappointed that I didn’t record our conversations.  God showed up and took my meager offerings and multiplied them hundred-fold as the other women in the room shared their thoughts and questions.  It was a beautiful time.  I pray that God would once again take these meager offerings and multiply them in your own mind as you meditate on these truths.

In this series which I’ve titled “My Life as the Bride of Christ,” we’re going to look together at a few things that I believe make the marriage relationship unique and how our relationship with Christ is particularly special because we are His bride.#1. The marriage relationship is exclusive:

We can have a dozen coworkers, a dozen children and a dozen friends.  But we can only have ONE husband and He can only have ONE bride.  God will not share us with other gods and our husband will not share us with other men.

It is not enough for us to make God the biggest God in our life, or the best idol that we have.  He can’t be our “favorite” husband, the one who gets to share our house and our bed.  He wants to be our ONLY husband, our ONE thing.  He wants ALL of our heart, soul, mind and strength, our everything.

As Hosea 1:2 reads, “When the Lord first spoke through Hosea, the Lord said to Hosea, “Go, take to yourself a wife of whoredom and have children of whoredom, for the land commits great whoredom by forsaking the Lord.”

What had the Israelites done that made them whores, adulterers?  They had forsaken the Lord.  They had turned their back on Him and chased after false gods, idols.  They had given their allegiance to things OTHER than the one true God.  They were not loving Him with ALL their heart, soul, mind and strength.  God despises adultery of all forms, especially adultery toward Him.  God wants our whole heart.  He will not share His glory with another.

SO WHAT DOES THAT MEAN FOR US….  How does the fact that The marriage relationship is exclusive impact our lives?

Well, for one, we can demonstrate our love for Christ, by being a good steward of all that He has entrusted to us: our time, talent, treasure and testimony,

• by rising early in the morning to spend time with Him when we’d rather sleep in,
• by using our gifts and talents to serve Him and His kingdom, rather than our own pursuits,
• by using the possessions and money that He has given to us for His glory rather than selfish passions,
• by speaking of His unfailing love to both strangers and friends, rather than turning a blind eye to their needs, or being ashamed of our “first love.”

We can demonstrate our love for Christ by giving Him our first and our best, rather than the scraps and leftovers.

Stay tuned for “Part Two: The marriage relationship is ‘til death do we part.” 

Today my amazing husband turns 47 years old. Where have the years gone?

As I’m aging, I’m beginning to see that though I look older on the outside (only a very, very little bit older), on the inside I’m really the same person — just a little more experienced and wiser, hopefully. (Thank You, Lord!) But as a young person I really couldn’t understand that, even if someone explained it in the simplest of terms.

There are some things you just can’t understand until you’re there. When my kids were little, I had older women tell me repeatedly to enjoy these years because children grow up so quickly. Well, I couldn’t understand. I didn’t think they were growing up quickly. I couldn’t wait for them to sleep through the night, to talk, to be potty trained, to read. And now it’s gone in a flash. Those women were right! Where did my babies go?

It’s like that when I’m trying to explain my faith walk to someone who doesn’t know God. How do I explain how real God is to me? How can I explain how scriptures jump off the page when I read them? How can I explain that I literally hear verses echoing inside my mind at just the moment when I need them? How can I explain that I hear a small, persistent voice calling to me, saying, “This is the way, walk in it”? How can I make someone see something that they can’t see? How can I explain to someone something that was once so foreign to me, too, but now is as normal as taking my next step or my next breath?

God is real. He’s real. He sees me and He knows me and He cares for me and about me. He is with me wherever I go and whatever I do. He walks with me and He talks with me. Though I cannot see Him, I know Him and He has made me His own. His love is as real to me as the air that I breathe. I wish everyone could know Him like that.  Praying.

TWIG

This series is in response to the question:

So if you met yourself when your kids were as young as mine (4 and 1), what would you tell her?

If you haven’t read Part One in this series, click here.

Here’s my third nugget for myself:

Dear Kim,

Do you see that young man in that picture? He’s just as confused and lost as you are.  Be patient with him, Kim.  Pray for him, sister.  Encourage him and love on him.

I wish I could stop there, but I’ve got to keep going.  The word of God is for our training in righteousness that we could be thoroughly equipped for every good work.

You might want to get a cup of coffee and sit down.  You might want to pray and hold my hand before we dive in here.  This is going to be a hard one to hear.  This is an area where I’m still doing battle almost every single day.  But, I have a feeling that if we’d started on this a long time ago, this battle now wouldn’t be quite so hard.

… let the wife see that she respects her husband. (Ephesians 5:33)

Kim, your relationship with your husband needs to be rooted deep in respect and reverence.  As hard as this is for you to hear and as much as you want to fight against it, this is the truth.  Indeed, you will well learn over the years, that there is indeed a way that seems right to a man (or a woman), but its end is the way to death (Proverbs 14:12 & Proverbs 16:25).  This is one of those ways.

There are going to be many, many times when you think you know better, when you think you’re right, (and in fact, you may at times be right), but in the midst of that battle, you have got to reverence your husband.  Admire him.  Honor him.  Respect him.  Listen to him.  Be quick to listen and slow to speak and slow to anger (James 1:19-20).  Know this: it is the fool who delights in expressing his opinion, rather than in understanding (Proverbs 18:2).  Yes, there may be the rare occasion when you might have to go against his wishes, but this will be the extreme exception and not the rule.

I’m not telling you to put him on some kind of pedestal or to make him some kind of an idol, taking the place of your allegiance to the one true God.  No.  Remember, you’re going to be trusting in the Lord with all your heart and not leaning on your own understanding.  Remember, you’re going to be praying with thanksgiving and making your requests known to God.

And as you do that, God will turn his heart as only He is able (Proverbs 21:1).

God will not share His glory with another (Isaiah 48:11).

Think of the story of Gideon leading the Israelites in battle against the Midianites.  In Judges 7:2, The Lord said to Gideon.

“The people with you are too many for me to give the Midianites into their hand, lest Israel boast over me, saying, ‘My own hand has saved me.’

The Lord cut down the army of the Israelites from 22,000 strong down to 300!  In the Israelites’ victory, there could be no doubt that God Himself had saved them.

Kim, don’t steal God’s glory but manipulating and nagging and cold-shouldering (is that a word?) your husband into submitting to your wishes.  God is most glorified as you are still and let Him fight your battles for you (Exodus 14:14).

Trust me.  No, Trust GOD.  Remember, trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding.  In all your ways acknowledge HIM and He will direct your paths.

TWIG

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