Author: kendraske

There is a Fountain Filled with Blood – 2025 Day 63 – (Job 9-10)

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Read Through the Bible in 2 Years: Job 9-10; Psalm 31

“If I wash myself with snow and cleanse my hands with lye, yet you will plunge me into a pit,
and my own clothes will abhor me.”

Job 9:30-31 ESV

I feel Job’s pain. Job wants to be right with God. Job desperately wants the Lord to bless him and look well on him, and he can’t understand why He won’t. It reminds me of when Esau cried out bitterly to his father, Isaac, “Bless me, even me also, O my father!” (Genesis 27:34 ESV)

When I first heard and believed the gospel, I went from trying my hardest to obey my own made-up rules in my own strength, to trying my hardest to obey my own made-up rules PLUS God’s rules … still in my own strength. All that did was leave me exhausted and more depressed than ever. I could never keep my own rules, not to mention God’s rules, on my own. Like the Lord spoke through His prophet Jeremiah, “Though you wash yourself with lye and use much soap, the stain of your guilt is still before me.” (Jeremiah 2:22 ESV)

Let me encourage you, friends, this is not the incredible good news of the gospel. Jesus Christ didn’t die on the cross so you could keep more rules. Jesus died to cleanse you fully of every sin you have ever committed and will ever commit and to give you the power by His Holy Spirit and through faith in Him to go and sin no more. As born again followers of Jesus Christ, we can now work out our own salvation with fear and trembling, “for it is God who works in you, both to will and to work for his good pleasure.” (Philippians 2:12-13 ESV)

I hope you will take some time today to ponder the finished work of Jesus Christ, what He has done for you, that you can be fully cleansed by the blood of the Lamb and the word of your testimony (Revelation 12:11).

“Come now, let us reason together, says the LORD:
though your sins are like scarlet,
they shall be as white as snow;
though they are red like crimson,
they shall become like wool.”

Isaiah 1:18 ESV

Will you please pray with me?

Heavenly Father,

You alone are holy, holy, holy. You dwell in unapproachable light. You are perfect in thought and word and deed. All Your ways are right. You are the very definition of perfect purity.

Thank You, thank You, thank You for the almighty cleansing power of the blood of Jesus, the only blood that can wash us clean, once and for all. Like Your Word says, it is impossible for the blood of bulls and goats to take away sins, but when Christ had offered for all time a single sacrifice for sins, He took His place, sitting at Your right hand, for His work was finished.

I pray for each person reading this who is still trying to make themselves clean by their own works. Teach them, Father, that their own good deeds are nothing but filthy rags in Your sight, that even the most righteous man is nowhere near the level of perfection that You demand. I pray that they will be washed in the blood of Jesus today, that You will plunge them in that fountain full of scarlet red blood, that they may come out spotless and pure, that they will have the power of the Holy Spirit coursing through their veins, giving them new desires and new power to walk in the righteousness of faith, turning away day after day from their sin, and turning toward Your perfect light.

In the good and gracious name of Jesus we pray, Amen.

For more: Read Romans 6-8 and Hebrews 9-10

“There is a Fountain” – William Cowper – The N Crew

Words Unfitly Spoken – Thoughts from Job and his friends – 2025 Day 62 (Job 8)

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Read through the Bible in 2 years: Job 8; Psalm 30

Pondering Job 8 and the very true words of Job’s friend Bildad – that God is just, that He will restore Job’s fortunes and bless his life, and that the godless will surely not prosper – reminded of Proverbs 25:11, “A word fitly spoken is like apples of gold in a setting of silver.”

Were Bildad’s words fitly spoken? I think not. Why not? Because, like my dear friend Beth has often reminded me, “The right thing at the wrong time is the wrong thing.” Eloquent speeches about God’s justice and judgment are inappropriate to give to a friend who has just lost all of their children and possessions.

It reminds me of times when I’ve gone shoe shopping and have found the perfect shoes at the perfect price, only to discover that they don’t fit. No matter how beautiful those shoes are, no matter what a good deal they are, if they’re too big or too small, you shouldn’t waste your money on them.

If our words are to be fitly spoken, we must be careful not only what we say, but how and when. If our words are to be fitly spoken, they must be fit to the person, place, and time.

If our words are to be fitly spoken,
we must be careful not only what we say, but how and when.

Please join me in prayer.

Heavenly Father,

Thank You for the joy of Your presence. You have indeed made me glad as I have trusted in You. You are always good. Make me more like You. Create in me a clean heart and renew a right spirit within me. Let me look upon Your glory and see Your face.

Give me wisdom and discernment in what to say as well as what not to. Help me see what words fit and what words don’t. Give me insight into what the circumstances demand. May my words be as heartfelt as they are true. Help me to speak the truth from a heart filled with humility and love.

In the name of Jesus I pray, Amen

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“I Need Thee Every Hour”
Hymns of Grace

Sitting with a Grieving Friend – Thoughts from the Life of Job – 2025 Day 61 (Job 6-7)

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Read through the Bible in 2 years: Job 6-7; Psalm 29

The two lowest months of my life were March of 1994 and October of 1998. Yet these were also the two seasons when Jesus began to radically transform my faith.

March 1994 was when I finally broke up with my fiancé, Eric, and moved to St. Louis. I was utterly alone in a way I’d never experienced before, but shortly thereafter I met Jesus and began a whole new life with Him always by my side.

October 1998 was when I found out that my stillborn baby’s body had been lost by the hospital after his autopsy. Why had God allowed this to happen? Losing my baby was painful enough …. Why this? I wrestled and struggled and mourned and questioned and grieved for months. What had I done wrong? Was God punishing me?

I didn’t want to go to church. I didn’t want to have playdates with my friends and their children. I just wanted to curl up in bed and stay there.

No one could understand the depth of my pain.

  • “He wasn’t even full-term.”
  • “You’ll have another.”
  • “I had a miscarriage, too, once. You’ll get over it. Give it some time.”
  • “It was just a body.”

Their words dug into my heart like so many little piercing arrows.

I distanced myself from my friends, and they distanced themselves from me, too. I couldn’t relate to them, and they couldn’t relate to me, either. They didn’t want to just sit and grieve with me day after day. A few days of crying was enough, wasn’t it? Why was this still going on weeks and even months later? This was when the book of Job really entered my life for the first time. (Actually, I had first encountered the book of Job in college when I was still an atheist, and I was assigned to read it as a “great work of ancient literature” in one of my liberal arts classes.) But 1998 is when Job’s words pierced my heart.

Out of all the pain and confusion, God again did something new in my heart. He grew my faith in new and profound ways. He taught me to simply trust Him when I don’t understand what’s He’s doing. He taught me that He is good even when people aren’t. He taught me that I can always turn to Him in my pain and suffering.

This week, reading Job again, really taking time to sit and study and journal and think, Job’s words are aimed at my heart again in a new way. Have I withheld kindness from a friend? Have I made light of a friend’s suffering? Can I look my friend in the eye and hold her hand in her grief?

Sisters, let’s not make the same mistakes as Job’s friends. Let’s run toward our friends in their pain, being willing to mourn with those who mourn, rather than running away out of fear and discomfort.

Let’s pray together.

Heavenly Father,

Your grace is sufficient for me for Your power is made perfect in my weakness. Thank You for giving us the book of Job that we could better understand the very real grief of men and the equally very real goodness of God. Help us to be good friends, to run towards those who are hurting instead of running away. Help us to be willing to sit and listen, instead of always trying to speak and fix. Make us like Jesus who wept with the grieving. Make us vessels of Your love and peace and kindness and comfort.

In the Name of Jesus we pray, Amen.

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“Because He Lives”
Keith & Kristyn Getty, Bill Gaither, Buddy Green

When the Encourager Needs Encouragement – Thoughts from the Life of Job – 2025 Day 60 (Job 4-5)

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Read Through the Bible in 2 Years: Job 4-5; Psalm 48

I’ve often found myself in the position of encourager. People come to me when they need prayer or encouragement or words of wisdom. This is certainly a blessing from God, and I’m honored to serve my sisters in this way. But … what about when it’s me who needs the prayer and encouragement and words of wisdom? Will I be able to take my own advice or will I crumble under the weight? Will my friends take the opportunity to encourage me, or will they point out my shortcomings in my sorrow?

After sitting silently with Job for seven days and nights (Job 2:13) Job’s friend, Eliphaz, finally speaks. His friend’s first words aren’t, “I’m so sorry, Job. I can’t imagine the pain you’re going through. I’m with you, and I’ll stay with you through thick and thin. I’m glad to have you as a friend.” No, Job’s friends’ first words are criticism.

“If one ventures a word with you, will you be impatient? Yet who can keep from speaking? Behold, you have instructed many, and you have strengthened the weak hands. Your words have upheld him who was stumbling, and you have made firm the feeble knees. But now it has come to you, and you are impatient; it touches you, and you are dismayed.”

– Job 4:3-5

Tears. 😢😢😢

I remember two years ago when I originally penned this message. Later that same afternoon, one of the moms of the teenage students I teach asked me if she could take my picture. She went on to explain how much her daughter loves me, and that she’s always telling her grandma about “Mrs. Kim.” Wow! That put wind in my sails like nothing else! Those few words encouraged me to keep my hands to the plow!

Can I just say how much a few simple words of thanksgiving and encouragement can strengthen a heavy heart?

Send a text. Send flowers. Mail a handwritten note. Make a phone call.

Click the “like button.” Leave a simple comment saying, “Thanks for taking the time to write this. Your words really ministered to me.”

Are we more like the one leper who returned to give Jesus thanks for healing him or the nine who received healing and kept right on their merry way, healed but unappreciative? (Luke 17:11-19)

How does God want you to encourage those who have encouraged you? We all grow weary from time to time.

Let’s pray.

Heavenly Father,

Thank You for Your faithful, never-ending grace and encouragement. You never grow tired. You never feel hopeless. The light at the end of the tunnel is never hidden from you.

Today I pray for my sisters who are facing tests and trials, who have lost a parent, a child, a husband, a job. I pray for the one who is losing hope today, who feels like the sun will never shine again, who feels like they can’t make it one more step.

Will you please send someone to them to encourage them? Will You please use me to speak life to those who need it? Will You please pour Your love lavishly into my heart, so I have love to give to the next one? Make me Your vessel. Make Your Word a balm to their heavy soul as well as mine.

Father, I am so weak, and I grow so weary. Please, Father, encourage me. Pour into me. Lift up my hands and my head. Let me not lose heart. Please send friends around me to lift me up, that I will not faint.

In the Healing Name of Jesus I pray, Amen.

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“See How He Loves Us”
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A Hedge of Protection – Thoughts from the Life of Job – 2025 Day 59 (Job 3)

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Read through the Bible in 2 years: Job 3; Psalm 27

When I was a new Christian learning how to pray, I noticed that people would often pray for “a hedge of protection” around someone. I had never heard that phrase before, but I started using it myself, asking God to put a hedge of protection around my children, my husband, my house.

Yesterday we looked at Job 1:9-11, “Then Satan answered the LORD and said, “Does Job fear God for no reason? Have you not put a hedge around him and his house and all that he has, on every side? You have blessed the work of his hands, and his possessions have increased in the land. But stretch out your hand and touch all that he has, and he will curse you to your face.””

But what about the previous verse, Job 1:8?

“And the Lord said to Satan,
“Have you considered my servant Job…”

Job 1:8a

I simply love this verse. Job was a blameless, upright man who feared God and turned away from evil, and yet the Lord offered him up to the evil one saying, “Have you considered my servant Job?”

The Lord removed that hedge of protection, allowing – in fact, inviting – the enemy’s attacks on His righteous servant, Job, and Satan stripped everything away from him – his possessions, his children, his health, even his wife’s encouragement, yet “in all this Job did not sin with his lips.” (Job 2:10) Lord, may the same be true of me. But my heart broke as I dove into Job 3, reading about Job cursing the day he was born.

Though I’ve enjoyed an easy life in comparison to Job’s, I’ve had my share of trials. Sometimes I have wished that heaven would hurry up and get here because this life is just too hard. And yet, I can say with full assurance that all of God’s ways have been right and good. He has grown my faith in Him during those times of pain. He has indeed sheltered me under His wings. He has taught me the wisdom of Psalm 27:4.

“One thing have I asked of the LORD,
that will I seek after: that I may dwell in the house of the LORD all the days of my life,
to gaze upon the beauty of the LORD
and to inquire in his temple.”

Psalm 27:4 ESV

So, today, whether you are feeling the glorious hedge of God’s protection (Job 1:10) or the painful hedge of thorny trials (Job 3:23), I pray that you will seek and serve the Lord no matter what.

Will you pray with me?

Heavenly Father,

Thank You for the shield of faith and the sword of the Spirit which is the Word of God. Your grace is sufficient for me. Your strength is made perfect when I am weak. Whether I can feel Your presence or You feel a million miles away, help me to trust that You are always with me. Whether I’m on the top of the mountain of victory or in the bottom of the darkest valley, help me to see Your rod and staff guiding me. Let me not trust in any man-made rescue plan, but place my trust fully in You and You alone, for You are perfectly trustworthy.

The blood of Jesus is my faithful hedge of protection.  It is in His Almighty name that I pray, Amen.

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“Blessed Assurance”
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The Testing of your Faith – Lessons from Job 1-2 – 2025 Day 58

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Read through the Bible in 2 years: Job 1-2; Psalm 26

Then Satan answered the LORD and said, “Does Job fear God for no reason? Have you not put a hedge around him and his house and all that he has, on every side? You have blessed the work of his hands, and his possessions have increased in the land. But stretch out your hand and touch all that he has, and he will curse you to your face.”

And the LORD said to Satan, “Behold, all that he has is in your hand. Only against him do not stretch out your hand.”

-Job 1:9-12 ESV

Like I wrote recently, "We learn of God’s grace as we are humbled. Surely these afflictions are for our good. It is good to recognize that nothing on earth will ever be enough. Treasures on earth – whether monetary or relational – will never satisfy. Our lives are better because of the thorns that the Lord has in His mercy given us. Our faith grows as it is stretched."

No one is a better example of this than Job!

In this you rejoice, though now for a little while, if necessary, you have been grieved by various trials, so that the tested genuineness of your faith—more precious than gold that perishes though it is tested by fire—may be found to result in praise and glory and honor at the revelation of Jesus Christ.

1 Peter 1:6-7 ESV

Friends, it’s a blessing to have your faith tested. When your faith is tested, it GROWS, and it shows you and everyone around you that it’s REAL!

Let’s pray,

Heavenly Father,

Thank you for the gifts that You have given us – our health, our children, our home, our jobs, all of our possessions. They are gifts.

Draw our hearts to You, Lord. Forgive us for turning to these gifts instead of turning to You.

May we say with Job, “The Lord gives and the Lord takes away, blessed by the name of the Lord.” None of us want to go through the sorrow of losing our children, our possessions, or our own health. But, Father, none of those things can ever truly satisfy.

You are our God, our refuge, our hope, our joy, our strength. Our faith is in You alone. Blessed be the Name of the Lord.

In the Name of Your Son, Jesus Christ, we pray, Amen.

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“Here Is Love, Vast as the Ocean (Everlasting Praise)”
Live from Sing! – The Gettys, Sandra McCracken

Your Life is Not Your Own. Thoughts from the Life of Joseph – 2025 Day 57 (Genesis 49-50)

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Read Through the Bible in 2 years: Psalm 25, Genesis 49-50

His brothers also came and fell down before him and said, “Behold, we are your servants.”

But Joseph said to them, “Do not fear, for am I in the place of God? As for you, you meant evil against me, but God meant it for good, to bring it about that many people should be kept alive, as they are today. So do not fear; I will provide for you and your little ones.”

Thus he comforted them and spoke kindly to them.

Genesis 50:18-21 ESV

Joseph understood that his life was not his own. He recognized that his life was too be lived in service to his fellow man and his God. Whether refusing the advanced of his boss’s wife, interpreting dreams, obeying his father, or providing for the needs of the Egyptians or the brothers who has sold him into slavery, his life was lived as an offering back to God. Can we say the same?

Is your body “a living sacrifice, holy and acceptable to God”? (Romans 12:2 ESV)

Do you see your body as a temple of the Holy Spirit, whom you have received from God, such that “you are not your own,” … that you will live to “glorify God in your body”? (1 Corinthians 6:19-20 ESV)

If your answer is “no,” let me make two simple, but not simple, suggestions:

  1. You can’t live what you don’t believe. If you don’t believe God’s Word … if you don’t believe that Jesus is the perfect, sinless God-man, the spotless Lamb who died for your sins and was raised to life again … if you don’t believe that God is good and all-knowing and all-powerful over all things, then you won’t be able to trust God enough to surrender your life to Him. Start there. Start by simply reading His Word each day, while asking Him to help you in your unbelief.
  2. You can’t give what you don’t have. If you don’t belong to God, if you’re not filled with His Holy Spirit, then you simply don’t have the power to live for Him. Surrender your life now to God. Trust in the Lord Jesus Christ. Turn away from your sins and follow Him with an obedient spirit. Ask Him to change you from the inside out and fill you with His Spirit.

Please pray with me.

Heavenly Father,

Thank You for Your mercy. Thank You for Your forgiveness. Thank You for coming after me while I was lost in my own sins. Thank You for giving us the book of Genesis, that we can know how the world began, but also that we can know the true stories of ordinary men and women like Abraham and Sarah and Joseph who possessed extraordinary faith.

Help us to trust You more, to believe that nothing is too hard for You, that You have good plans for us and that You have a purpose for our lives. Make us pure and holy vessels of Your Spirit. Make us living offerings for Your glory. We love You. We trust You. Help us to love You more and trust You more, for You are worthy.

In the name of Jesus Christ who is our Savior and our Lord we pray. Amen.

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“I am Not my Own”
Keith + Kristen Getty, Skye Peterson

When Will it be Enough? – 2025 Day 56 (Genesis 47-48)

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Read Through the Bible in 2 years: Psalm 24, Genesis 47-48

Have you ever found yourself running in this rat’s race of life, pursuing some pie in the sky goal, but unable to reach it no matter how hard you try? Or maybe you have succeeded in reaching the goals you’ve set for yourself – you’ve gotten accepted into that college, graduated as valedictorian, married the guy, had the babies, won the praises of man – and yet you still find your life empty?

Like the song “Never Enough” from the 2017 blockbuster hit, “The Greatest Showman,” no matter what the world has to offer you, it’s never enough.

All the shine of a thousand spotlights
All the stars we steal from the night sky
Will never be enough
Never be enough

Towers of gold are still too little
These hands could hold the world but it’ll
Never be enough
Never be enough

Friends, let me assure you, whatever this world has to offer, it’s never enough. Never.

  • Eve thought, “If only I could eat the fruit of that tree…”
  • Lot’s wife thought, “If only I could go back home…”
  • Sarah thought, “If only I could have a son…”
  • Rebekah thought, “If only my son Jacob would receive his father’s blessing…”
  • Leah thought, “If only Jacob loved me…”
  • Rachel thought, “If only I had a son…”

In the final verse of Genesis 45, Jacob receives word that his favorite son, Joseph, whom he thought had been killed by wild animals, is still alive. Jacob says,

It is enough;
Joseph my son is still alive.
I will go and see him before I die.

Genesis 45:28

Then, when Jacob was finally reunited with this dearly loved son, he said, “Now let me die, since I have seen your face and know that you are still alive.” (Genesis 46:30) And then God graciously gives Jacob another 17 years of life after seeing his son – time enough to know not only Joseph but also Joseph’s two sons who were born during Joseph’s years in Egypt.

Now, at the end of his life, Jacob asks Joseph to bring near his two sons, Ephraim and Manasseh, saying, “I never expected to see your face; and behold, God has let me see your offspring also.” (Genesis 48:11)

And suddenly my mind started thinking, “Lord, when will it be enough for me? When I have that next thing, that next relationship, that next opportunity? When I finally quit doing that thing that I hate? When my husband finally does the next thing? When my child does that most important thing? When will it be enough?”

And then I was reminded of Paul’s words in 2 Corinthians 12:7-10

“So to keep me from becoming conceited because of the surpassing greatness of the revelations, a thorn was given me in the flesh, a messenger of Satan to harass me, to keep me from becoming conceited.

Three times I pleaded with the Lord about this, that it should leave me. But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.”

Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong.”

We learn of God’s grace as we are humbled. Surely these afflictions are for our good. It is good to recognize that nothing on earth will ever be enough. Treasures on earth – whether monetary or relational – will never satisfy. Our lives are better because of the thorns that the Lord has in His mercy given us.

Remember, faith grows
when it is stretched.

Let’s pray together.

Heavenly Father,

You alone are worthy. You are enough. You alone satisfy. In Your presence there is fullness of joy. At Your right hand are pleasures forevermore. Your face, Lord, is what I seek.

In this world, You have promised that I will have troubles, but Lord You have also promised that I can take heart before You have overcome the world.

If I have every trapping of this world – all the knowledge and wisdom, all the fame and power and praise of man, all the riches, all the relationships – it will never be enough. Let me not seek after these worldly things that can never satisfy.

Let me boast only in You – that I know You, that You are the Lord, my Lord, who practices steadfast love, justice, and righteousness in the earth. This is what You delight in, so make these my delight, too.

You are a good shepherd and You are my shepherd. I have everything I need. You are enough.

Your grace is enough for me. You are more than enough for me.

In the Name of Jesus I pray. Amen.

Psalm 16:11; Psalm 27:8; John 16:33; Jeremiah 9:23-24; Psalm 23

Click here for more information about my Read Through the Bible in Two Years plan.

Enough – Elias Dummer
Your Grace is Sufficient – Shane and Shane

Trusting God when People Hurt you – 2025 Day 55 (Genesis 45-46)

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Read through the Bible in 2 years: Psalm 23, Genesis 45-46

So Joseph said to his brothers, “Come near to me, please.” And they came near.

And he said, “I am your brother, Joseph, whom you sold into Egypt. And now do not be distressed or angry with yourselves because you sold me here, for God sent me before you to preserve life. For the famine has been in the land these two years, and there are yet five years in which there will be neither plowing nor harvest. And God sent me before you to preserve for you a remnant on earth, and to keep alive for you many survivors. So it was not you who sent me here, but God. He has made me a father to Pharaoh, and lord of all his house and ruler over all the land of Egypt.”

Genesis 45:4-8 ESV

I have a quick, simple question for y’all. Have you ever been sold into slavery by your brothers? No? Me neither.

Have you ever been hurt by anyone in your life? Yes? Me, too.

When someone hurts you, it can be hard (impossible?) to forgive them. Sometimes it feels like you simply can’t “let them off the hook” by forgiving them. We take on the role of punisher, paying them back for what they’ve done to us.

But let’s think carefully about Joseph’s words here. What if we saw God’s hand at work even in our pain? How would our desire to punish someone who hurt us change if we truly believed that God was working even this pain to bring good? Wouldn’t that make forgiveness a whole lot easier?

The truth is that God is always at work, accomplishing the best ends through the best means for the most people. Sometimes people get hurt during that … And sometimes those people include YOU and ME and OUR loved ones.

Will you pray with me?

Heavenly Father,

I trust You. I trust Your heart. I trust Your mercy and kindness and grace and power. You have proven Yourself to be good and faithful – in Your Word and in my life. But, Father, sometimes things look really bad to me. In fact, sometimes things really are bad. It’s wrong to sell your brother into slavery. That is wrong. Yet, Lord, you worked through that unthinkable tragedy to bring great good for a great number of people with fruit still being born even today.

I pray that I would trust You with all my heart, soul, and mind. Help me to remember Your steadfast faithfulness to Joseph, and me, now and forever.

In the name of Jesus I pray, Amen

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Loving People When They Hurt You: Thoughts from the Life of Judah and his Dad – 2025 Day 54 (Genesis 42-44)

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Read through the Bible in 2 years: Psalm 22, Genesis 42-44

Genesis 42 kicks off with the famine having spread to the land of Canaan, thereby forcing Jacob to send his sons to Egypt to buy grain. Jacob sends ten of his remaining sons, but refuses to send Joseph’s younger brother, Benjamin, the only other son of Rachel, “for he feared that harm might happen to him.” (Genesis 42:4) Jacob is still playing favorites, like I wrote about here.

As though that’s not bad enough, even after Simeon (Jacob’s second son from his unloved wife, Leah) is left behind in Egypt, Jacob continues to insist that Benjamin cannot go to Egypt, saying, “My son shall not go down with you [Reuben, Jacob’s firstborn son], for his brother [Joseph] is dead, and he is the only one left.” (Genesis 42:38) In fact, Jacob still has eight other sons in addition to Reuben left at home, namely Levi, Judah, Dan, Naphtali, Gad, Asher, Issachar, and Zebulun.

How would you feel if you heard your father say such a thing about one of your brothers?

Wouldn’t you want to scream and cry and stomp your feet, “Hey, Dad, what about me? Don’t you love me? Aren’t I your son? What about me and my children? What if we starve here from this famine?”

When the famine becomes even more severe and all the Egyptian grain has been consumed, Jacob is finally willing to send his sons again to Egypt to buy food. (Keep in mind, Simeon had been left in Egypt as a captive all this time.)

Judah, Jacob’s fourth son who was also born to Leah, solemnly pledges to his father, “From my hand you shall require him [Benjamin]. If I do not bring him back to you and set him before you, then let me bear the blame forever.” (Genesis 43:9 ESV)

To which Jacob finally relents, “May God Almighty grant you mercy before the man, and may he send back your other brother and Benjamin. As for me, if I am bereaved of my children, I am bereaved.” (Genesis 43:14)

Now, put yourself in the shoes of Judah, or one of Leah’s other sons or worse yet one of the sons of Rachel’s servant Bilhah or Leah’s servant Zilpah. Imagine hearing your father refer to Simeon, your big brother as “your other brother” while Rachel’s son is referred to by name. Benjamin, Jacob’s last son. Benjamin, the only remaining son of Rachel, Jacob’s dearly loved wife who died during his birth. Benjamin, the “son of my right hand.”

Whether spoken intentionally or not, Jacob’s words communicated to his children that Benjamin is more valuable than they are. Read Judah’s own words to Joseph about his dad at the end of Genesis 44.

“As soon as he sees that the boy is not with us, he will die …
Now therefore, please let your servant remain instead of the boy as a servant to my lord, and let the boy go back with his brothers. For how can I go back to my father if the boy is not with me?
I fear to see the evil that would find my father.”

Genesis 44:31a, 33-34 ESV

In spite of the pain that his father has caused him, Judah still loves his dad. He may not be expecting a prodigal son’s welcome home — no father running to him with arms open wide. Rather, he is expecting to arrive home to a father who is looking behind him to see if his baby brother is there. And yet … Judah is still worried about the deep pain that his brother’s loss will cause his father.

Are you having a hard time loving someone who has hurt you again and again? Are you struggling to forgive someone who has repeatedly broken your heart?

Let’s pray.

Heavenly Father,

How I long to see you face to face, to sit at your feet and have every tear wiped away from my eyes! How I ache for the pain and sin and sorrow of this world to be over!

But, Father, in the meantime, help me to love as Your Son loved. Remind me how much You have forgiven me. Show me my sin.

Help me to forgive even those who forget me and reject me and spit in my face. I want to forgive others as You have forgiven me.

Lord, I can’t do this on my own. I need Your strength. Help me to see the log in my own eye, to accept responsibility for where my own sin has contributed to the pain that I find myself in.

I want to overcome evil with good, for You are good and I am Yours.

In the Good and Gracious name of Jesus I pray, Amen.

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Hymn of Heaven by Phil Wickham