Category: Former Atheist

Turn your Eyes: Thoughts on Numbers 21 through the Eyes of a Former Atheist

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Read through the Bible in 2 Years: Numbers 21

From Mount Hor they set out by the way to the Red Sea, to go around the land of Edom. And the people became impatient on the way. And the people spoke against God and against Moses, “Why have you brought us up out of Egypt to die in the wilderness? For there is no food and no water, and we loathe this worthless food.”

Then the LORD sent fiery serpents among the people, and they bit the people, so that many people of Israel died.

And the people came to Moses and said, “We have sinned, for we have spoken against the LORD and against you. Pray to the LORD, that he take away the serpents from us.”

So Moses prayed for the people.

And the LORD said to Moses, “Make a fiery serpent and set it on a pole, and everyone who is bitten, when he sees it, shall live.” So Moses made a bronze serpent and set it on a pole.

And if a serpent bit anyone, he would look at the bronze serpent and live.

Numbers 21:4-9 ESV

Here they go again. Complaining. Complaining. Complaining. Again it’s all about the food.

“We have no food. Well, I mean, this food that You miraculously give us every morning is worthless, and we hate it. Why did you deliver us out of slavery? You’re a mean god. We want to go back home.”

I wish I could say that I can’t relate, but that would be a lie. All too often the thoughts in my head sound all too much like them.

“Father, what are you doing? Why is life so hard? Why did you lead me to this place only to abandon me here? I thought you loved me?”

When the snakes were biting (and killing) the people, the Israelites simply wanted the Lord to take the snakes away.

“Make this pain go away, God! Take it away! Get me out of this desert and put me in the promised land. Now!”

But that’s not what God does. Rather, He sends a Savior, a Rescuer.

He says, “Look up here! Look up at this bronze serpent up here on this pole. Look at it and have faith. Trust Me. Don’t look down at those snakes or that snake bite. Look up here at Me! I love you. Trust Me.”

Jesus referred to this very event when He was explaining to Nicodemus, a Pharisee who came to Him secretly by night, that he must be born again if he wants to enter the kingdom of God.

And as Moses lifted up the serpent in the wilderness, so must the Son of Man be lifted up, that whoever believes in him may have eternal life.

For God so loved the world, that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life.

For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but in order that the world might be saved through him.

Whoever believes in him is not condemned, but whoever does not believe is condemned already, because he has not believed in the name of the only Son of God. And this is the judgment: the light has come into the world, and people loved the darkness rather than the light because their works were evil.

John 3:14-19 ESV

What happened to the Israelites who didn’t gaze up at that snake on the pole that had been sent by God to save them? They died in their sins.

What happens to people today who don’t turn their eyes to Jesus, the God-Man sent by God to save them? They, too, will die in their sins.

Is that scary? Yes. Yes, it is.

But is God good to provide a way of escape for each of us who are dying in our sin? Yes! Yes, He is!

I’ll end with the words of Jesus from John 6:40, “For this is the will of my Father, that everyone who looks on the Son and believes in him should have eternal life, and I will raise him up on the last day.”

Heavenly Father, Please draw us to turn our eyes to You. You have already provided a Savior. You have already sent Your son Jesus to pay the price for our sin. Now, Lord, give us the desire and the strength to turn to You instead of turning to ourselves, our circumstances, and other fallen men. Forgive us for our complaining. Forgive us for our lack of faith. Thank You for Your steadfast faithfulness and mercy toward us, a sinful people. We pray for those around us who are running headlong away from Jesus. Draw them to know You. Please, Father. We cry, Holy! Mercy! Save us, Lord! In the name of Jesus we pray. Amen.

Turn your Eyes – Sovereign Grace Music
My YouTube Video about this blog – Come. Pray. Share.

What Can Wash Away my Sin?

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Read through the Bible in 2 Years: Numbers 19-20

Even when I was an atheist, I knew I messed up. I knew I did things I shouldn’t. I couldn’t even obey the rules that I made for myself. I didn’t call these things sin and I didn’t call myself a sinner, but I knew I was far from perfect.

I said mean things behind people’s backs and sometimes even to their faces. I gossiped and slandered and lied. I cussed. I yelled. I manipulated.

Yet I had no solution to this ongoing problem – other than trying harder. Trying harder and failing again.

I was a lone soldier against an army of tanks. I was a lone woman scaling the Rocky Mountains in a blizzard with nothing and no one to protect or guide me.

Then, one day, at God’s appointed time, I heard about the solution to this age-old problem, and it wasn’t found in my own self will or strength. It was found in Jesus, in His will and His strength, for Jesus had gone before me, living the perfect life and dying a sinless death. He has already won the battle. He’s already standing on the mountaintop. He’s already seated on His heavenly throne.

The victory is His. As His born-again child, I am already forgiven, and my sins have already been washed away by His blood.

The blood of Jesus does what no human work can do; it washes clean not only our outer flesh, it purifies even our conscience, giving us the freedom to serve the Living God.

For if the blood of goats and bulls,
and the sprinkling of defiled persons with the ashes of a heifer,
sanctify for the purification of the flesh, how much more will the blood of Christ, who through the eternal Spirit offered himself without blemish to God,
purify our conscience from dead works to serve the living God.

Hebrews 9:11-14 ESV

And now by the strength of His Holy Spirit working in me, I’m still fighting and climbing. Not so I can be forgiven – I’m already forgiven. I’m fighting and climbing because I’m His soldier in a war that’s worth fighting. I’m in the Lord’s army, looking for souls in need of rescue. Want to join me?

Purge me with hyssop, and I shall be clean; wash me, and I shall be whiter than snow.

Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a right spirit within me. Cast me not away from your presence, and take not your Holy Spirit from me. Restore to me the joy of your salvation, and uphold me with a willing spirit.

Then I will teach transgressors your ways, and sinners will return to you. Deliver me from bloodguiltiness, O God, O God of my salvation, and my tongue will sing aloud of your righteousness.

O Lord, open my lips, and my mouth will declare your praise. For you will not delight in sacrifice, or I would give it; you will not be pleased with a burnt offering.

The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart, O God, you will not despise.

Psalm 51:7, 10-17 ESV

Heavenly Father, Thank You for Your forgiveness and your Grace, the power of your Holy spirit and the blood of Jesus. Thank you for not only forgiving me but for purifying my conscience and cleansing my heart. Give me the strength to get back in the battle. You have already won, yet You have called me to be a soldier in Your mighty army. This is a battle that cannot be won in my own strength, but only in your Holy Spirit. Your Word is my sword. Have Your way in me and through me. In the name of Jesus Christ I pray. Amen.

Standing between the Dead and the Living

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Read through the Bible in 2 years: Numbers 15-16

Initially as I began reading Numbers 16, I thought I’d write about the extreme humility and meekness that Moses continues to show again and again. He begs God to spare his people again and again. He doesn’t grab a sword and start cutting people down left and right, but instead asks the Lord to have mercy.

But then, when I got to the end of the chapter, verse 48 it hit me.

“And [Aaron] stood between the dead and the living,
and the plague was stopped.”

Numbers 16:48 ESV

Maybe your reaction doesn’t look like mine, but that’s because your life hasn’t looked like mine.

I have the unique honor of standing in the gap, interceding for and reasoning with atheists who are angry with God and angry with his servants. It’s an honor. It’s a privilege. And it’s a calling.

But it’s hard. It’s hard to get in the ring with a mustang that you know is going to lash out at any moment. Yet the only way to gentle that mustang is to get in the ring with it.

Will you please help me to lift up my hands? Will you please stand in the gap with me? Will you pray for me and will you intercede for them, too?

Remember the words of Christ, “Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do.” (Luke 23:34)

Jesus pursued me while I was His enemy. I want to do likewise.

Oh, Heavenly Father, thank You for the examples of Moses and Aaron, brave men who ran into the plague to rescue people who deserved your wrath. Fill me with Your Mighty Spirit that I can do likewise. Make me like Jesus who came to seek and save the lost. Make me meek and gentle and humble. Keep me from pride and complacency. I need You, Lord. I can’t do it on my own. In the Name of Jesus I pray. Amen.

Here’s my YouTube Live video sharing on this — please WATCH and PRAY with me!!
Come Thou Fount (Above All Else) – Shane & Shane
Curious how I came to believe in Christ from being an atheist??? Check this one.

A Prayer for my Family and my Nation based on the Aaronic Blessing in Numbers 6:24-26

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Read through the Bible in 2 Years: Numbers 6:22-8:26

“The LORD bless you and keep you; the LORD make his face to shine upon you and be gracious to you; the LORD lift up his countenance upon you and give you peace.”

Numbers 6:24-26 ESV

As Aaron and his sons prayed this over the people of Israel, I want to pray this over my family and nation. Will you join me?

Heavenly Father, I pray that you would bless my husband, my children, my grandchildren, and my nation with Your wisdom and peace. Guide them in the way that they should go. Protect them from the deceitful schemes of the evil one. Give them discerning spirits to recognize what is good and what is evil and grant them wisdom to choose that which is good.

I pray that Your face would be turned toward them, and that their hearts would likewise be turned toward You. Be gracious to them, Father. Pour Your love upon them according to Your steadfast love and mercy. May Your goodness shine gloriously upon them and out of them, that the nations of the world would be drawn to faith in Your Son.

I pray that You would smile upon them, filling their hearts with joy, hope, peace, and purpose, that they would know that You have good plans for them, plans to prosper them and not to harm them. May they follow You all the days of their lives, acknowledging You in all their ways. Please, Father, make their ways straight – not crooked or deceitful or false, not devious or evil. May they not be ashamed of the gospel for it is the power of God for salvation to everyone who believes, to the Jew first but also to the Gentile.

Finally, Father, I pray that the peace which surpasses all comprehension would guard their hearts and their minds in Christ Jesus. Jesus is the only path to peace. He is the Only Way to You, Father. He is the Way, the Truth, and the Life. His blood is the covering that we need to be reconciled to You, Lord. His blood is the way of redemption. May they have peace with God and peace with man, peace in their hearts and peace in their homes. And may this peace draw them to worship You and tell others about You.

In the Holy, Almighty Name of Jesus Christ we pray. Amen.

Pray aloud with Me – FormerAtheist58
“The Lord Bless You and Keep You” Acappella Hymn – SE Samonte
“May the Lord Bless You” – Sing through the Bible
“The Lord Bless Thee” Scripture Song – Keep the Word

Instead of…

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Read through the Bible in 2 Years Numbers 3:40-4:49.

Hearing “instead of” can be a bad thing. Maybe someone else was chosen for a job promotion instead of your husband. Maybe the Chicago Cubs won the World Series instead of our beloved St. Louis Cardinals. (Highly unlikely.) Maybe Walmart accidentally gave you zucchini instead of cucumbers in your grocery pickup order. (Much more likely.)

In Genesis we read this phrase “instead of” three times, and each time it’s very good. First, God gave Adam and Eve another son after Cain had killed Abel. Eve “called his name Seth, for she said, ‘God has appointed for me another offspring instead of Abel, for Cain killed him.’” (Genesis 4:25 ESV) Next we read that, “Abraham lifted up his eyes and looked, and behold, behind him was a ram, caught in a thicket by his horns. And Abraham went and took the ram and offered it up as a burnt offering instead of his son.” (Genesis 22:13 ESV) Finally, in Genesis 44:33, Judah asks his brother, Joseph, “Please let your servant [Judah] remain instead of the boy [Benjamin] as a servant to my lord, and let the boy go back with his brothers.”

Today we read about the Levites who are being given to the Lord instead of the firstborns whom God had chosen during the Passover in Exodus 13.

And you shall take the Levites for me
—I am the LORD—
instead of all the firstborn
among the people of Israel,
and the cattle of the Levites
instead of all the firstborn among the cattle of the people of Israel.

Numbers 3:41 ESV

And I’m reminded of the greatest “instead of” story that I’ve ever heard. God poured out His wrath on Jesus instead of me. God nailed His own son to the cross instead of me. Jesus died instead of me.

“For the love of Christ controls us, because we have concluded this: that one has died for all, therefore all have died; and he died for all, that those who live might no longer live for themselves but for him who for their sake died and was raised.

From now on, therefore, we regard no one according to the flesh. Even though we once regarded Christ according to the flesh, we regard him thus no longer.

Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come.

All this is from God, who through Christ reconciled us to himself and gave us the ministry of reconciliation; that is, in Christ God was reconciling the world to himself, not counting their trespasses against them, and entrusting to us the message of reconciliation.

Therefore, we are ambassadors for Christ, God making his appeal through us. We implore you on behalf of Christ, be reconciled to God. For our sake he made him to be sin who knew no sin, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God.

2 Corinthians 5:14-21 ESV

Heavenly Father, Thank You for the gift of Your Son, the perfect, spotless Lamb who died instead of me. And now I can look forward with full assurance to living in eternity with You. It is in the name of Jesus Christ that I pray. Amen.

Freedom from Lifelong Slavery

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Read through the Bible in 2 years: Hebrews 2

Since therefore the children share in flesh and blood, [Jesus] himself likewise partook of the same things, that through death he might destroy the one who has the power of death, that is, the devil, and deliver all those who through fear of death were subject to lifelong slavery.

Hebrews 2:14-15 ESV

Growing up without God shaped how I saw life. I didn’t believe in any kind of higher power who was working behind the scenes. It was all up to me. I determined my own “destiny” so I better work hard and be good if I wanted to get ahead in love.

Not believing in God, also shaped how I saw death. My life was overshadowed by my fear of death. My last day on earth would be my last day. There was no afterlife, so I better be careful how I lived.

When I became a follower of Jesus Christ in April of 1994, my views of life and death began to change. I came to believe that God ruled over my life … and my death … and my life after death.

In the last week, two members of our local congregation passed away. One beginning his ninth decade of life and one beginning his second. I am so thankful for the hope of life on earth with Christ and the hope of eternal life in Heaven with Him as well. Do you have that hope or are you still in slavery to fear of death?

Heavenly Father, Thank You for the hope and peace that are mine because Jesus died in my place. I know that Jesus conquered death, and so will I. You are my hope in life and in death. Praise Your Name.

Christ our Hope in Life and Death
by Keith and Kristyn Getty

Sins of Ignorance

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Read through the Bible in 2 years: Levititus 4:1-5:13

The Lord here provides specific directions for how to atone for unintentional sins, sins of ignorance.

This reminded me of so many other passages, like Paul’s beautiful testimony from 1 Timothy 1:12-16

“I thank him who has given me strength, Christ Jesus our Lord, because he judged me faithful, appointing me to his service, though formerly I was a blasphemer, persecutor, and insolent opponent. But I received mercy because I had acted ignorantly in unbelief, and the grace of our Lord overflowed for me with the faith and love that are in Christ Jesus. The saying is trustworthy and deserving of full acceptance, that Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners, of whom I am the foremost. But I received mercy for this reason, that in me, as the foremost, Jesus Christ might display his perfect patience as an example to those who were to believe in him for eternal life.”

Listen to Jesus’s words when He was being crucified,

“Father, forgive them,
for they know not what they do.”

Luke 23:34

But what about when you continue willfully in sin? How about those who have heard the gospel again and again and yet they choose to turn their back on God?

“For if we go on sinning deliberately after receiving the knowledge of the truth, there no longer remains a sacrifice for sins, but a fearful expectation of judgment, and a fury of fire that will consume the adversaries.

Anyone who has set aside the law of Moses dies without mercy on the evidence of two or three witnesses. How much worse punishment, do you think, will be deserved by the one who has trampled underfoot the Son of God, and has profaned the blood of the covenant by which he was sanctified, and has outraged the Spirit of grace?

For we know him who said, “Vengeance is mine; I will repay.” And again, “The Lord will judge his people.” It is a fearful thing to fall into the hands of the living God.”

Hebrews 10:26-31

Rather than questioning what God will do with those who have never heard the gospel, we ought to ask ourselves these two questions:

  • Am I prepared to meet God?
  • Have I been faithful to share the good news with the people that I know?”

Let’s pray.

Heavenly Father, I, for one, am not ignorant. I once was lost, but now I’m found. Even when I was darkness, running away from You, You had written Your law on my heart. I knew that it was wrong to lie. I knew that it was wrong to say hateful things about other people. I knew that it was wrong to slander and gossip. I knew it, but I did it anyway. Thank You for saving me while I was yet a sinner. Thank You for sending Jesus to die in my place, to be the sacrificial lamb who died outside the camp, who bore my sin and shame. Now let me take this knowledge and share it with others, so that they will not meet You in ignorance. I pray also for those who have heard the truth and have willfully rejected it, who are intentionally running away from You today. Please, Lord, save them! Draw them to Yourself. Send Your Word, Your angels, and Your children into their path. May Your courts be filled with people from every tribe and tongue from around the globe. In the Name of Jesus Christ, the only Name that saves, Amen.

The Blood that Covers

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Read through the Bible in 2 years: Exodus 24

And Moses took half of the blood and put it in basins, and half of the blood he threw against the altar.

Then he took the Book of the Covenant and read it in the hearing of the people. And they said, “All that the LORD has spoken we will do, and we will be obedient.”

And Moses took the blood and threw it on the people and said, “Behold the blood of the covenant that the LORD has made with you in accordance with all these words.”

Exodus 24:6-8 ESV

I imagine myself as one of those people, standing there in shock as Moses sacrifices those animals, throwing half of their blood onto the altar but saving half of it in a basin.

I imagine myself wondering, “What’s he going to do with all that blood he’s saving in that basin?”

Then, I imagine myself listening to Moses reading a long list of rules of what I should and shouldn’t do – that I must not ever curse or hit my parents, that I must be careful to make restitution to my neighbor if I ever lose or damage something that I borrow from him, that I must be kind to the stranger dwelling in my midst, and so on and so on. So many more rules given by a holy, holy God.

I would hear Moses read all those warnings about the consequences of these sins – many times that consequence being death – and I’d really, really want to obey.

I’m sure that I would’ve shouted with the crowd, “All that the Lord has spoken we will do, and we will be obedient!” I would want to obey God. I would.

And then I imagine my shock as Moses puts his hand into that basin full of blood and proceeds to throw it, handful by handful, cup by cup, upon me and the people standing on either side of me, behind me and in front of me.

I imagine the stench. The stickiness. The blood red stain on my garments.

Again, the wages of sin is death. Blood is such a physical sign and reminder of death.

These animals had given their lifeblood that I might enter into a covenant of blood with the holy Almighty God of the universe. And I’d want to obey.

But ultimately just being afraid of punishment, even punishment of death, is never enough to truly stop a person from sinning. It didn’t work on me as a kid and it didn’t work on any of my kids, either. (Well, I guess I never did threaten them with death…)

Punishment is definitely a deterrent and without it, an entire society can quickly get out of control. The rampant crime and immorality so prevalent in our culture today certainly bears witness to that, but it’s not failsafe. No threat of punishment, no matter how severe, can ever fully stop a person from sinning.

We think we can hide it. We think no one will find out. We act irrationally and impulsively in a moment, overcome by emotion. And we fall.

Thanks be to the Lord for the Messiah, the Savior of the World, Jesus Christ, the sinless Lamb who was promised before the foundation of the world. The One who was slain in our place, whose blood fully covers the sin of His children.

Heavenly Father, thank You for the blood. Thank You for the Lamb who was slain to take away the sin of the world, my own sin. Thank You for Your holiness that causes me to fear You, that I would not want to sin. In the name of Jesus I pray. Amen.

Divine Exchange by Charity Gayle

The Wages of Sin is Death – Exodus 21 meets Romans 6

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Read through the Bible in 2 years: Exodus 21-23

Exodus 21:12 ESV — “Whoever strikes a man so that he dies shall be put to death.”

Exodus 21:15 ESV — “Whoever strikes his father or his mother shall be put to death.”

Exodus 21:16 ESV — “Whoever steals a man and sells him, and anyone found in possession of him, shall be put to death.”

Exodus 21:17 ESV — “Whoever curses his father or his mother shall be put to death.”

Exodus 21:28-29 ESV — “When an ox gores a man or a woman to death, the ox shall be stoned, and its flesh shall not be eaten, but the owner of the ox shall not be liable. But if the ox has been accustomed to gore in the past, and its owner has been warned but has not kept it in, and it kills a man or a woman, the ox shall be stoned, and its owner also shall be put to death.”

Exodus 22:19 ESV — “Whoever lies with an animal shall be put to death.”

Exodus 22:21-24 ESV — “You shall not wrong a sojourner or oppress him, for you were sojourners in the land of Egypt. You shall not mistreat any widow or fatherless child. If you do mistreat them, and they cry out to me, I will surely hear their cry, and my wrath will burn, and I will kill you with the sword, and your wives shall become widows and your children fatherless.”

Romans 6:23 ESV — For the wages of sin is death, but the free gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord.

John 5:24 ESV — Truly, truly, I say to you, whoever hears my word and believes him who sent me has eternal life. He does not come into judgment, but has passed from death to life.

Death. Death. Death. The wages of sin is death. We deserve death. Jesus, the innocent Lamb, was condemned to death alongside two justly condemned criminals. He paid the price for me. It is finished.

Heavenly Father, Thank You for sending Your holy, innocent, perfect Son to die in my place, to ransom me from my slavery to sin and rescue me out of the death sentence that had justly been charged to my account. All I can say is, Thank You. Thank You for the cross.

Pharaoh and the Parable of the Four Soils

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Read through the Bible in 2 Years: Exodus 9

Then Pharaoh sent and called Moses and Aaron and said to them, “This time I have sinned; the LORD is in the right, and I and my people are in the wrong. Plead with the LORD, for there has been enough of God’s thunder and hail. I will let you go, and you shall stay no longer.” …

But when Pharaoh saw that the rain and the hail and the thunder had ceased, he sinned yet again and hardened his heart, he and his servants. So the heart of Pharaoh was hardened, and he did not let the people of Israel go, just as the LORD had spoken through Moses.

Exodus 9:27-28, 34-35 ESV

Reading Pharaoh’s emotional reaction to the seventh plague followed by a total change of heart, I was reminded of the parable of the four soils in Matthew 13 which we read last month.

In this parable, a sower scatters seed in a variety of soils. Some soil is so hard that the seed never even begins to take root, and the seeds are eaten by birds before they even sprout. Other soil is rocky, but there’s enough good soil there that the seed begins to grow but it can never put down solid roots and persecution and tribulation causes these seeds to die. Still other seeds are scattered among thorny ground where the seeds are able to put down roots and even begin to grow, but the cares of the world and the deceitfulness of riches choke the plant’s growth so it never bears any fruit. And then there’s the fourth soil, the good soil, that allows the seed to put down strong roots and bear fertile fruit, yielding thirty, sixty, or even a hundred-fold multiplication. (Read it for yourself in Matthew 13:1-9, 18-23)

First, let’s remember that these seeds were all scattered by the same sower. It’s not about using better techniques – speaking more eloquent words or drawing better diagrams. It’s not the fault of Moses’s faltering speech that Pharaoh is not truly repentant of his sin. Yes, get trained to share the gospel … But don’t blame yourself when the seeds don’t take root.

The words of the man who shared the gospel with me took root and bore fruit – not because he spoke “just the right words” – but because the soil of my heart was finally right.

If you share the gospel with someone and they aren’t brought to repentance and salvation, don’t be discouraged. Keep sharing. Keep scattering seed. You might be preparing the soil for the next sower who comes along.

Secondly, remember the importance of continued outreach and discipleship after the seeds are scattered. Unfortunately, it seems that many people have misunderstood the Great Commission as being simply a charge to “preach the good news” rather than “go and make disciples.” Preaching the good news is the first step in making disciples, but our job doesn’t end there. Matthew 28:19-20 goes on to say that disciple makers are to baptize and teach the new disciples.

I believe that one reason why thorns grow up and choke out the growth of those newly planted seeds is the lack of continued discipleship. New believers need to be encouraged and taught so they can bear fruit and keep those thorny cares of the world from choking them.

Finally, remember that we are working together as fellow workers, fellow laborers, fellow gardeners in God’s fields. Like Paul wrote in 1 Corinthians 3:6-9, “I planted, Apollos watered, but God gave the growth. So neither he who plants nor he who waters is anything, but only God who gives the growth. He who plants and he who waters are one, and each will receive his wages according to his labor. For we are God’s fellow workers. You are God’s field, God’s building.”

God is ultimately who gives the growth. Keep scattering. Keep watering. Keep going out into those fields with eyes open to the harvest, but remember that it is God who makes the soil, and the seed, and the sower and it’s up to Him to make it grow.

Would you like to learn more about how to make disciples and be co-laborers in the harvest? Check out No Place Left for some great tools to help you!